27 weeks

Blogger, I've neglected you, and I'm sorry.  But honesty is important in any relationship, right?  And I have to be honest, you make me a little bit uncomfortable.  I'm still not at ease chatting about baby stuff.  I can't write about squealing over ultrasound pictures and talking to my stomach.  Mostly because that stuff just doesn't happen.  And if it did I would keep it like it should be kept - as an embarrassing, shameful secret.

But!  As evidenced from various emails and texts sent from family members once I stopped posting, people still read this.  So I will do my best to keep up with it.

But we're going to break it up into two-part segments.  In lazy bullet-list form.  Because I'm starting my third trimester, god damn it, and I'm too tired to speak delicately and to type out anything coherent.  Segues and creative adjectives aren't happening.

What People Want to Hear About:

* Michael is going to be such an incredible father.  But Gloria is going to hate him once she passes the age of ten.  He already has rules in place for dating and skirt length.

* I am rapidly growing out of both scrub pants and tops.  Most of my pants don't fit me, and I went to buy new ones.  I was informed that there is no such thing as a tall maternity scrub pant.  They are simply not made.  I find this insanely ridiculous.  There have to be women in the medical profession who are over 5'4" and have found themselves pregnant.

* Nursery update!  My amazing coworker gave me this changing table a few months back.

Our crib of choice is white, so Michael painted it and put new hardware on.  It's gorgeous.

And some photos I made for above:

The lamp was a find at a yard sale for $5.

* The baby things that I'm most excited about buying are children's books.  Must-haves include The Giving Tree, the Beatrix Potter stories, and The Velveteen Rabbit.  I can't wait to create her library!

* I get winded walking from the house to the car.  Standing up from the ground is ... challenging.  Lately I've been thinking that someone is sneaking weights into my purse, because it's getting ridiculously heavy.  Then I took inventory.

This includes: Four bottles of vitamins, mac'n'cheese, a jar of pickles, a drinking glass, and a zucchini.  Among other things.  I shouldn't be allowed to have large purses.

Things People DON'T Want to Hear About (But I'm Going to Say Them Anyway)

* My belly button is a sad state of affairs.  My perfectly round, perfectly indented belly button.  It sticks out through shirts now.  It's horrifying.  I'm seriously considering buying a pasty for it.

* Gloria's favorite place to kick is my ladyballs, and it's terrible.  What are ladyballs?  I believe the correct medical terminology is "ladytesticles."  Or maybe "cervix."  The word "ladyballs" originates from the Latin word "lady," which refers to the gender of the possessor of the ladyballs, and "balls," which is used in this context to try to describe to husbands exactly what being kicked in the cervix feels like.

And we'll end with a photo of Kevin hating his new ecollar.  Because Kevin makes the world go 'round, and you probably need to scour your brain after hearing about tiny fetus feet in delicate areas.