Gratitude, or something like it

Today I was cranky.

Today I sat on the driveway in the hot sun while my kids and husband cleaned the car. I felt sorry for myself. It was HOT, I've taken on too much GARDENING, and I was bored with playing outside with the kids. Also, my skin is gross and I can't see a dermatologist until JULY. And my pants were dirty. And my back was sore. And why did Charlie have to keep eating bits of old food I pulled off of his car seat as I was cleaning it? Or drink the soapy, dirty water in the cleaning bucket? Or scream for my hand as he went up and down, up and down, in and out of the hatchback?

Oh, such privileged problems.

Truth is, it should have been a perfect day. We started off with Gloria's first swim lesson, which she was thrilled with. It was a gorgeous 78 degrees out after a chilly start to the spring. The kids were happy and playing and being silly. All I could focus on was the dirty stain on the right knee of my jeans and the dirty stains around Charlie's mouth from eating yet another something that he shouldn't (there's no way this kid isn't going to get intestinal parasites of some type before turning three).

This past year I've become adept at mindfulness. I can pick out the most subtle goodness out of a stressful situation. Sometimes, when I have to spend forty minutes dancing around with Charlie before dinner because he won't stop screaming, I'll make sure to take a deep breath and notice his adorable, pouty, sad little toddler lips and how cute they are. Or I'll be holding Gloria through a tantrum and feel grateful that this beautiful little blue-eyed girl needs me so much in that moment (because it won't last forever!). I'll make sure to enjoy the delicate beauty of the newly-planted tulips by the back walkway as I yell to Charlie to STOP EATING HANDFULS OF MUD.

Today was not one of those days. Many days lately have not been those types of days.

Mike saw that I was pissy beyond saving so he took the kids to run some errands. And to buy them a kiddie pool so we can bathe them less. Ha! Just kidding. (But am I?) And within three minutes of quiet here, alone in the house, I think I've regained some perspective. Thank goodness.

A long-ago acquaintance of mine who blogs from Florida recently wrote about how important it is to remember how fleeting these days are. The days when your kids are awed by feeding ants in the driveway. When they want to hold your hand as they learn how to do new things. Things which seem so mundane and repetitive to you, but are pure joy to them. Instead of being frustrated and stressed when we finish a day exhausted and covered in dirt I need to see it as a sign that maybe I'm doing something right. My children certainly seem to think so. I know it's a difficult mindset to make a habit of, but it's so important.

These days are a privilege, and I need to remember that.